This summer was a uniquely thrilling and stressful experience. 70 days on the bike leads to mental exhaustion, physically exhaustion, and a soreness that lasts for days. There are times where you can't imagine getting back on the bike but others where you can't wait to get more miles. The endorphin rushes, the sceneries (from the Arizona desert to the Sierra Mountains), and the never-ending conversations were unmatched; it propelled me through every day.
The halfway mark came, and went. Pretty soon we had 10 days left, and then 1 day. We woke up on Day 70 and wondered (quite seriously) where the time had went. The final ride into Anchorage, Alaska was bittersweet -- this weird, chaotic, and inspiring thing we had done was coming to an end. It was time to swap our chamois and jerseys for jeans and a t-shirt. It was time to say goodbyes and met up with families at the finish line. It was time to go home. Quite honestly, I didn't have to reconcile with the end of the ride and the end of the summer. I felt that I was ready to assume "normal" life, the kind with hot showers, perishable foods, and free laundry, especially in the Yukon and Alaska. I missed my independence but I also knew I would still miss the team dearly and my sense of contributing to something with a greater purpose. I flew out the day after we got to Anchorage on a red-eye flight, thinking about the stories I had and the people I met. After 3 days in Dallas, I moved into my apartment off campus as a junior at the University of Texas at Austin. The adjustment from biking every single day over the summer was an interesting transition. I could tell my mental focus was a bit off and I didn't have much energy (which is counterintuitive). I was warned of a "post-ride depression" but I never felt a deep type of sadness toward the ride, instead, I felt nostalgic, reflective, grateful. Most people ask if this experience was "transformative" in some way. The way that this experience shaped me was not immediately apparent, and I think that it was impactful on a smaller, personal, level. Growth is non-linear and gradual; I don't believe that a transformation will occur overnight (or even after 70 days). What I have noticed about myself that I find surprising:
As someone pointed out, the changes that I will find in myself will show up gradually. They will appear when I least expect it, a response to challenges and adversity. I have not fully processed my experience this summer but I am entirely confident that this was something that I am the better for, whether I realize it or not. Although not glamorous work, being a pharm tech has been an enlightening experience. The time spent on my feet, the nights that I closed (at 9pm or later), and the unhappy customers were all part of the job that I took in stride. These things wore on me for sure, but I also recognized that I was able to see the connection between patients and treatments--as well as how much they cost.
I sold patients their prescriptions, everything from clindamycin (an acne medication) to valacyclovir (herpes medication). I think about how vulnerable these patients are; I can see their medical history, their insurance, what medications they are taking now -- just by typing in their date of birth. In reality, new pharm techs are simply pharmacy cashiers, yet I have been able to feel for the patient in more ways than one: I can see how each patient is in a state of apprehension when they come in to pick up a script. Is it ready? Did the insurance approve it? How much will it cost? There are so many complications in the process of receiving a script to processing and then filling. There are errors, wait times, and co-pays that have to be confirmed. I've realized my job is to make this process on the dispensing end as streamlined as possible and to ensure the patient is able to receive the correct medication. There is still much to be learned, and I am constantly learning something (or questioning something) everytime I work. Here is a glimpse of the notes and comments I've compiled: Questions
Drug Notes
bit.ly/audrey2alaska Cancer reduces people to fragments. It chips away at healthy bodies, spunky personalities, and a future of potential. It can transform people into unrecognizable versions of themselves — not the same vibrant and dynamic personality that the friends and family of a cancer patient would recognize.
And cancer can do so much more: it can destroy relationships, careers, and aspirations slowly — and sometimes in no time at all. It can dissolve entire people and their long lives into artifacts reminiscent of the people they once were. My mom was first a captive, then a fatality, of breast cancer before I was 6 years old. What’s left — the pictures, passport, pearls — don’t do her justice. Even the few memories I have of us are contaminated by the cancer that seeped into every part of her life. The intimate action of brushing her hair is burned vividly in my mind; it’s hard to forget the clumps of dark locks that fell before my eyes. I will ride to honor the memory of my mother. Because the cancer that consumed her life also took her intangible personality, identity, and humor. She didn’t deserve to be reduced to a picture in our house, didn’t deserve to live on only through a couple of memories, didn’t deserve to be remembered by only a few objects of her past. I would ride for her and everyone else that has become a shell to cancer. I would ride for the people who feel like they have become controlled by cancer and the chemo, check-ups, and suffering that come hand in hand. I want to honor their lives and memories in a way that speaks more about the spirit of the person than the cancer that defines them: I want to bike to Alaska with Texas 4000. Like past riders, I am invigorated to uplift the memories of the people that cancer has touched. I want to inspire, and be inspired, and use my influence to work toward a world where we can have a longer time with our loved ones. I ride because I want to take back the power that cancer holds by showing that the human spirit will always be resilient, even if cancer can claim our bodies. Biking to Alaska is a show of courage, a shake of the fist in cancer’s face, a challenge. It’s also a beautiful combination of an inspiring physical feat and a dedication to spread compassion and hope. Most importantly, I will ride for the people I know cancer has touched: my family, my friends, my teammates. I will also ride for those I never got to know: all other cancer patients, cancer survivors, and of course, my mom. To Alaska and back, Audrey Austin has opened my eyes to Tex-Mex. The "fusion" cuisine, I think, has been looked down upon as a cheesy (in both senses of the word), non-traditional, and cheap dining experience that doesn't do much other than play around with various combinations of salsa, chips, beans, and rice.
While that may be true, I think when done right, an enchilada platter or a quesadilla plate can do wonders to lift up the mood. A good breakfast taco can stun, spark joy, bring tears to the eyes. Queso and chips can help the soul heal after a bad test: nothing tops the refreshing crunch of a chip with cheese or the delightfully satisfying act of stirring the layer of skin in a pot of queso. Austin has the basics, both familiar chains like Torchy's and Taco Bueno, but also local classics that have delightful order combinations. Here are some that I have been to and some I'm looking forward to visiting in the not-too-far future.
Want to try:
I feel like before I know it, I'll be a senior at UT, walking down the stage, taking my diploma in my hand. Some things fly by: high school did, freshman year feels like it was yesterday, and the first 3 months of sophomore year have been a whirlwind.
There are some things (not just from college) that I want to remember and record. There have been small things, like something someone has done for me, or something that I have observed, that I want to be able to look back on. In no particular order, here are some of the things I find memorable: *Would also like to add onto this list over time, so by no means is it complete*
Some of my goals this summer: get a tan, spend time with friends in coffee shops with comfortable chairs, explore Dallas, and most of all, gain some experience working at a retail pharmacy.
I can check off these boxes as summer is almost over. With less than 2 weeks remaining before I head back to Austin--with my apartment rug, bed supplies, bathroom decorations, etc-- I can confidently say I was thrown into an intense, foreign, and dynamic Walgreens pharmacy and survived. I had no training (this isn't an understatement, just a fact), no previous experience with pharmacy, not experience in healthcare for that matter. Instead, I had a paper certificate granting me "pharmacy technician in training" status, making me eligible to apply and work in a pharmacy. In fact, you too, can claim one of these certificates with a couple clicks on the Texas Board of Pharmacy Website and 25 bucks. As a tech in training (again, doesn't mean much), I applied to a variety of different Walgreens around the Dallas area from my dorm room in Austin. I called pharmacy managers, store managers, and perused the website with the hope that a pharmacy would have an opening for a eager-to-learn, young tech who would need some guidance at first. Thankfully, a store called back, I got an interview, performed a background check and drug test, and was officially hired at your local Walgreens, at the corner of happy and healthy. My first day: tour of the office space, sales floor, and pharmacy. I met some of my coworkers at the front register and the pharmacist in the back of the store. I completed some necessary training as well: liability acknowledgments, Walgreen's brainwashing, obvious customer service dribble, etc. Then I was brought back to the pharmacy, a brightly lit room with a rainbow of drugs and their manufacturer labels on rows of shelves. Without a second of pause, I was put to work filling prescriptions, finding the drugs off the shelves and counting them out -- 5, 10, 15, 20... -- with a spatula. Even though the work was pretty self-explanatory, the environment was overwhelming; I was too scared of making a mistake that I couldn't relax until my shift was over and I collapsed back home. Gradually, the work got easier, my feet grew to expect the 7 hour shifts, and I began to enjoy the work more. With more practice I finally managed to leap over the learning curve and process prescriptions independently: I can find Atorvastatin 20mg myself, thank you very much. I worked, on average, about 23 hours a week, which, ideally, would've been around 35. I wanted to make some money this summer (with the expectation of much spending during the upcoming semester), but Walgreens was cutting hours. Actually, I've begun working at another Walgreens location in Murphy, a chance to get some more hours and meet a new crew of bright techs and pharmacists. The work was tough, it was intense to be sure. On the good days, you could expect problematic customers, 30 or more phone calls, and a hell bending rush hour when customers would run--seemingly synchronized--to the pharmacy to pick up their prescriptions. And on the rough days... you can imagine. Yet I enjoy working at Walgreens and I'll enjoy the last few shifts I have before I leave for school*. Walgreens was draining and physically demanding, but it was also immensely rewarding. Saving someone $400 with a couple clicks by rerunning an insurance claim, acting as an intermediate in a patient's care, understanding a drug's indication, schedule, and contraindications was beyond rewarding, and I'm grateful for the experience. *Transferring to another pharmacy in Austin is on my mind, but I think it'll be some time before I act on it. Coming back to Richardson in June, I felt a lull. Austin was filled with my friends, my classes, and was always busy with something to do. The city was bright, weird, and alive. I could plan day trips to the Greenbelt or Zilker park, try a new restaurant on South Congress St, go thrifting at one of the 100 different locations--Austin was built to be explored and the options were endless. But in Dallas (which is just as cool of a city), I didn't know exactly how to pass the time. I didn't have people that I could hit up at any hour of the day. And in order to do something new in Dallas, it takes a lot more planning and driving than I was willing to do. I also didn't have the same urge to explore in the suburb that I grew up in: I felt that I already knew Richardson as an exurb of Dallas. But in reality, Dallas has so much to offer. It was just up to me to do a little research in order to find the hidden gems of the city. I wanted to explore the city with fresh eyes and see all of the different 'burbs, diners, and art (including Dallas' 30 foot tall giant eyeball). With this in mind, I decided to create my very own "Dallas Boredom" map featuring everything fun! and quirky! to do in Dallas. A list that I could consult when I can't find anything better to do, when it's my day off of work, or when I have a desire to really see Dallas. Google maps has a really cool feature where you can create a list of saved places. As I am 100% a list addict, this fulfilled my need for organization, labels, and accessibility. I added my first place, then my second, and pretty soon, there were too many to count. Different ideas popped into my head and I realized "wow, ok, this would actually be really fun to visit". I quickly realized that I wanted to put different food places on my list too (Bagels Cafe 21, Hanabai Ramen, Zenna Thai, just as some examples), but because I like REALLY LIKE lists, I created a whole new list for "Dallas Food".
It seems like every universities college admissions department loves to boast about how they have a "club for everyone". You can join the pottery club, the tennis club, the quidditch team--there seems to be no limit (except your imagination) when it comes to extracurriculars.
UT definitely has its share of diverse and quirky clubs. My freshman roommate joined the longhorn bee club (technically the apiary club) just for the heck of it, and actually started off as an officer! Another friend was a die-hard Harry Potter fan and knew that she wanted to join the UT quidditch team when she was just in high school! And another played tennis in high school competitively (like me) and joined the club tennis team to keep rallying for fun. I, on the other hand, came to campus with no inclination of what kind of clubs I was interested in. It was hard to find club opportunities in an online environment: clubs would often recruit and advertise on certain platforms that not everyone had access to. What's more, some clubs shut their doors and went dormant for a year, not sure how to move everything online. While it was hard to find opportunities, they were there. Luckily, it seemed that I knew a lot of people in the clubs I was interested in that could give me advice on the application process and what the culture was like. I found that a lot of kids in the DS (Deans Scholars) program were more than willing to talk about their experience--maybe a little tooo willing. I also came from a background where clubs were open admission. You didn't have to apply to become part of the Asian Student Union, CS club/Science club, or Mu Alpha Theta. Showing up wasn't half the battle, it was the battle. I think my high school experience was a great way to introduce me to a variety of clubs I wouldn't have taken the time to apply to (American Sign Language Club was quite exciting the one day I decided to stop by). On the other hand, it was a semi *shock* to be asked to "state your potential benefit" to the org in question. My initial philosophy was to take the time to write up a really nice application for the clubs I intended on joining. I spent a lot of time writing (and re-writing) my application answers to these clubs I ended up applying to. 1. The Undergraduate Research Journal Undergraduate run and published journal featured a wide range of research manuscripts published each year. I was accepted as an Assistant Editor this year and had work featured on their online blog. 2. The Triple Helix Multidisciplinary magazine with articles written about the intersection between humanities and science. Really open to whatever topic you are interested in! I was a writer this year and wrote an article about the concept of herd immunity. 3. Texas 4000 for Cancer Federally registered nonprofit only at the University of Texas that raises money for cancer research and support services. Trains a group of 70+ riders per year to bike to Alaska (about 4,000 miles) and raises $4,500 each. 4. Natural Sciences Council The legislative body of the College of Natural Sciences. Divided up into different committees (I was lucky to be placed on Student Faculty) and we worked on hosting different events to promote connections between students and their professors. 5. Doctors without Borders Mainly a fundraising org with guest speakers--I felt like this one just wasn't for me. 6. Tennis Club (not really an application as it turned out) Although I ended up dropping Doctors without Borders, the other organizations were really REALLY worthwhile, especially Texas 4000 and the Natural Sciences Council. To be part of organizations that make a difference in my college (and in my classes), and to be able to identify as a member of a group that bikes to Alaska for cancer research is something that made my freshman year. My favorite books of 2020: Nickle and Dimed (Barbara Ehrenreich), Living with a Wild God (Barbara Ehrenreich), One L (Scott Turow), Perfume (Patrick Süskind), Ishmael (Daniel Quinn). And my least favorite of 2020: Ripley Underground (Patricia Highsmith) of which I gave it a quite shocking rating of 3/10. A couple years ago, I started to document all the books that I finished (the ones that I actually got to the very last page). At first, I only wrote down the titles of the books I liked the best, the ones that were, well, worth remembering. Then, I started to get more serious about my reviews. At a certain point, I decided to record all the books I read (grouping them by year) and assign them a rating (harsh in some cases ^^ I mean a 3/10!?). I would write a short synopsis, including too, my feelings about them as a whole... Did I think the book was chilling to the bone? mildly entertaining (not worth another read)? so dull that I fell asleep in the middle of a page? Or, on the other hand, did it offer something worthwhile? Would I benefit from reading it a few years down the line? Did it question what I assumed to be true? Did the writing inspire me? I keep all my ratings in the same place: a folder in my Google Drive created solely for this purpose. This folder is home to all the books I've read in the last 4 years. It's a sort of "bookshelf," but at least to me, it's a better--more personal--version of a bookshelf. Everyone can have the same books on their bookshelf, but that's not what makes this bookshelf unique. Instead, I collect my reviews, my impressions, and my ratings of the books. MY ratings of the books. Everyone will have different opinions of the books they read, and I know I won't necessarily like the same book as the kid next door. And I think that's special. Your views towards different books can change, but at some point, I think it would be cool to remember that I really DID dislike Patricia Highsmith's mystery, Ripley Underground, and that I really DID love some of Barbara Ehrenreich's works. 2018: 33 booksSadly, my last post was deleted (how? could not tell you). I wrote about new year's--but more specifically, new years resolutions. I know I've been caught slacking: my post got deleted, it's been a month since the actual new year's day, and I still haven't written my resolutions down somewhere where I'll be held accountable.
In an attempt to excuse myself, I just wanted to say how arbitrary our calendar is. Who decided that today would be Jan 30th and not Jan 31st?? Or why not August 11th? and on that note, why should Jan 1st be our "new years"? Couldn't it be just as likely to fall on August 11th? August 12th? how bout Aug 13th? It's this damned Gregorian calendar that makes things so complicated. Every day is actually just that--a day--and a funky naming system won't change it. January 1st, our recognized start of a new year, is itself an arbitrary date. If I wanted, I could celebrate the beginning of MY new year on June 15th--or July 29th!--just because I can. The year would still be 365 days, I would just count up from 1 on a different day. Then why do we only make resolutions on Jan 1st? Every day could be the start of a new year--a new you. Jan 30th is just as suitable a time to make some major (or minor) resolutions as Jan 1st. So don't feel bad if you've been procrastinating through the month of January. Your new year can start today, or tomorrow, orrrr, really, whenever you so please. We can make resolutions at any time, yes, but it still means we have to make them. You still need to take a cup of tea, sit yourself down, and reflect on the last year of your life. In fact, I think the hardest part of the process is trying to find the areas where you were caught slacking. It takes a lot of thought and comparison to realize how you can improve: as a student (in some cases), a friend, and a human. Your resolutions are personal. You shouldn't have to share them or feel like they are a looming work deadline you HAVE TO achieve.... or else. I think that even the process of creating them is a significant step in the right direction. They make you realize that everyone can improve themselves somehow and that no one is perfect. For me, they taught me to find my standing in life: am I the best student? No! Will I be the most successful? Hell no! Is that ok? Yes! If you needed that little push in the right direction, this is it. It's your calling (even if you've been putting it off for a month now) to write your resolutions because that's the hardest step. The new year can start at a different time for everyone so take a moment, take a pen, and make a better you. |
AuthorHallo! My name is Audrey and I'm a sophomore at UT Austin. Among other things, I have a love for art prints, egg sammys, R&D, and the color burnt orange. Archives
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